what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize