I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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