By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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