The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
