she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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