I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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