Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
