What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Never joke about your clitoris.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
