i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
