He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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