And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
