I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
