just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
