everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
