so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
