My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need a burrito and a hug.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
