i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
