Don't make out with my wife yet
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
