I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize