Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
