I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
