i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
