its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
