Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
