I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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