You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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