She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
