got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
