And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
