Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
