I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
