omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize