I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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