I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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