hell yes lets make some ravioli
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
