I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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