that's an acceptable place to lick
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
