she was so not down for the gang bang
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
