I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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