so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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