Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
