the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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