I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
