uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
