State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
