The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
