I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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