I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
