yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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