My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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