i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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