The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
