The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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