Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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