I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
