I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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