yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
