ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
