if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
