He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize