He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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