apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
