glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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