im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
