is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
