Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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