You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
