the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
