We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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