i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
