yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
