Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
