so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
