I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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