Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
