It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
