K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
