Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
