That's intense
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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