There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
