so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
