Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
