He passed out mid-signature
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
