he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
