It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
