dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
