hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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