Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
