I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
