why didn't you poke me back
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
