Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
