Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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