I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
