he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize