Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
